MODULE X — Post Colonial Autopsy

when a brown woman

stands in front of you

and you think she’s beautiful

the assumptions are pre-cast

her past pre-written

her body pre-categorised

you think you know her already

her veneer well curated

the perfect pieces

put together

to portray

a sense of fitting in

comfort

confidence

the dialogue begins with her ancestry

her biography;

her travels, writing, pictures,

struggles, insecurities, desires

you listen

it becomes fixed

and cemented

in to the foundations

of “love”

what is “loved” is the veneer

the idea, the theory

the attention she gives you,

the way she gets so close

and strokes your hair

your face

as your eyes piece into her

her otherness

her exoticness

the events that shaped her

she’s like a new book for your library.

though love was never her

her;

the way her hands and insides tremble

when she tells you a secret,

when entrusting you with the pieces

of what she loves and hates

be it flowers or fascism

how she grew up

in a merciless environment

and carries those bones with her

wherever she goes

why does she cry

when she sees her own blood?

what kind of fragility can

produce a debilitating hot flush and sweat?

why is she so afraid of being happy?

why is she so scared of being hurt?

physically, emotionally

yet can battle on through life

through it all

witness it all

and still stand

stand still

and still love you

in all the ways

you couldn’t love her

this is what is missed

when you “love” a brown woman

she is a phenomenon

that you wrapped up

and packaged

in your own guilt

to escape your own guilt

appetising

like a slab of meat at the butchers

or like a module you take

in your private school of life

in the secret laboratory of your mind

while wearing your black uniform

of black rubber boots

and latex gloves

just in case

you might get infected

with new ideas

or heaven forbid

learn something

that could actually

be applied to Life

to love

She doesn’t belong

in your Realm

nor in your crumbling

Empire of the past

she belongs

in a pre-fab box.

you went ahead with the Project

satisfied yourself

satisfied your mind

you shared her secrets

with her enemy

you had her body

it showed you everything

it told you everything

and you wrote it all out

like you knew everything

in the secret laboratory of your mind

you knew everything before

and you know everything now

and you’ll always know everything

so what was the point?

completed,

now you can put her on your self

in your vast libraries of books

or cast her away

to be buried alive in the ground.

did you pass the exam?

or will you have to repeat?